Your tits are I can't wait for
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
