omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
