I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
