According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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