Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
