you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
