I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
