u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He felt like a one man threesome
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
