I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
