We're like a lot better than the average bears
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
