The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
