I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
