Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
