the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
