when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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