What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize