she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
