can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
