Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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