Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
