i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize