pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
