soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
