After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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