I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
