he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize