So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
