um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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