She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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