Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
