I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
