My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
