You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
