What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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