You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize