nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
