DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
