it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
