Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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