I bet he comes in French.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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