i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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