Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My bed smells like the plague
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize