Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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