Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
