for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
