so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
