Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize