Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
