If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
