I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My balls are so social today.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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