How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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