Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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