Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
