whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You can't special order awesome
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
