i may or may not be watching the land before time
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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