Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
