awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
