i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i drank out of a bidet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
