Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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