peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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