It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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