so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Someone signed my nipple.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
