it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
