Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
