Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
