I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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