he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
