So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
