Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
