I think I died a long time ago.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
