WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just high enough for therapy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
