Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
