She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
