Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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