i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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