so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
