ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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