i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
