there's paper in my vomit.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
