I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
