if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
