Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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