i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
