just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
