were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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